Movie Review - The Invitation

Well,

It was a movie, that can't be contested.

I mean, it had a movie's running time and end credits. Actors and set pieces, so... I'm going to give it the credit it deserves for being a Hollywood film.

But that's about it. As a vampire fanatic, fiend, and maniac, I am obsessed with them. So, it goes without saying that I've seen SOOO many vampire movies and TV shows. And read soo many books about them.

This is almost a curse because having engaged in so much vampire entertainment, having seen and read some of the best, and of course, having written some of my own... my standards are high. Fifteen years ago, a movie like this would have been perfectly fine for me. Even now, it's serviceable, but that's it.

I was hoping for something more. But it was such a paint-by-numbers, anti-climatic story with nothing new to offer in a genre filled with the same.

This was basically trying to be like Get Out meets Dracula. In a way, it was, just with none of the uniqueness both of those movies brought to the table. Hell, the movies it's trying to emulate were both rated R! and here this punk-ass movie shows up with its lack of creativity and its bitch ass PG13 rating for a vampire film. UGH.

It was dumbed down, all the way. The villains were weaker than wet Scotts 1-ply toilet paper. Yeah, and I'm not even exaggerating. This was something that could have become a classic if it had the balls to live up to its premise. Not every movie has to have that predictable ending. Sometimes, it is exciting or dare I say, satisfying when the villain wins.

The performances were cool, the guy playing Dracula, pretty much was handsome and charming. I can't say that he was badass, because I'd be lying through my typing fingers. I swear, Alucard from Hellsing is writing an angry letter, I'm sure.

FINAL VERDICT: GUILTY FOR HAVING A FINE-ASS DRACULA WITH NO BITE! But I'll put you on probation. I sentence you to 2 years of community service. I hope you take this time to reflect on your poor performance and think about ways to be better. The vampire genre doesn't need mediocrity. it needs new blood. Baliff, slap an ankle bracelet on this movie and send it on its way.